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After being on study leave for over a week, there’s quite a lot to do at my employer. I’m really not a morning person, so of course I arrived at my average-ish 9:30am – with my usual red puffy eyes.

Company policy forces me to work an average of 7,5 hours a day and I get to squeeze in a 45 minute lunch, which I waived in favour of a coffee meeting at our own Mugg ‘n Bean in the building. Scrumptious.

And with so much to do, I was sitting here until after 8pm.  Suddenly the lights went off!  But that’s a usual thing since my employer has always been energy efficient and does not waste electricity by running all the office lights 24/7.  After hours, only emergency lights are on, and in fact they are quite sufficient for me to do my thing… work thingies. Employees who really need additional light could always phone Security HQ and ask them to illuminate!

While typing along merrily, I heard foot steps and saw two of our security guards approach me.  It’s part of their dark after-hourly ritual to float around – trying to spy on innocent,  hard-working employees and to see if all desk are in fact used for deskly operations

“Good evening,” I chirped.

“You must sign for the lampie.” the suprisingly friendly security lady replied. She was obviously impressed with the complex Excel spreadsheet open on my monitor and all the papers strewn across my desk.

The lampie seems to be a novelty here. Employees who work late can now benefit by having a 20cm plug-driven (not battery operated) fluorescent tube light on their desk.  Security HQ will no longer respond to illumination requests!

I went pale. I could see the catch in this situation: restroom lights are also affected by a little red knob on Security HQ’s panel.

I immediately asked the lady… and the guy who was pushing the trolley with a whole stack of lampies.

“What if I have to… go?”

She went pale.  They really didn’t think about this previously.  And obviously none of the 15 people who signed for their lampie before me had asked them either.

Now keep in mind that it is really pitch dark in our restrooms.  The doors are on spring levers so they close quickly and the holy white baskets are around the corner out of public scrutiny anyway, so the emergency lights will never reach them. The lampies are plugged in, so mobile illumination isn’t an option either.

“Well, if you phone HQ about five minutes before you need to go, they can make an exception and warm up the something for you.”

I didn’t bother asking what that something is.  Probably some generator or solenoids or whatever.  Point is… is rarely plan far enough in advance to know when I have to go.   I’m working… late at night. I don’t concentrate on my bowels.  Five minutes just doesn’t cut it.

I don’t have a solution for this problem yet.  We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.  But I have Googled for some glow in the dark toilet seats and was surprised that they actually exist.  Now that’s the way you spot a gap in the market!

Check it out on www.glowinthedark.com.au

Now, does anybody know where you buy G.I.T.D. toilet paper?

Tagged as my employer, rants+ Categorized as Funny stuff